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The Good Bad and Ugly of Wedding Gifts
Now here is a touchy subject: how to handle certain gifts so that you don’t offend the giver. Some people will send their gifts in advance of the wedding to either the bride or her mother’s address. These days, however, it isn't unusual for the guest to bring their wedding gifts to the reception.
Oh no . . . the gift is damaged
If you receive a gift that is damaged, you will need to first look to see where the gift was mailed from. If the gift comes from a store, simply contact the store directly and arrange for a replacement gift to be sent out to you. In this case you do not need to contact the giver or even mention it in your thank you note. If the gift was sent by the giver then you need to decide whether or not to tell them.
Look carefully to see if the gift was sent insured. If it was, simply call the giver and very politely tell them it was damaged on arrival and they can contact the shipper (post office, UPS, etc.) for a replacement. If it was not sent insured and you can’t fix the item, then think twice about telling the sender. In most cases it is probably better to not say anything to them as they will feel obligated to buy you another gift. If it is someone that will never visit your home, simply write a nice thank you note without mentioning the damage.
If the giver is a good friend or someone who will be visiting your home, then it is best to gently explain to them that their gift arrived damaged. Be sure to tell them what a lovely gift it was and how appreciative you are for the gift without implying that they need to buy you another gift. This is a good way to let them know you saw the item but you won’t be expected to put it on display in your home.
More than one of them
Receiving duplicate gifts is not that unusual, especially if you have registered at more than one store. Some may look at your list and buy the item elsewhere. You obviously won’t need two of many items, such as toasters and blenders, and it is perfectly all right to return the item as long as the giver will not find out. You can usually return the item to the store where it was purchased and exchange it for an item of you choice. In this case write your thank you note as though you did not receive a duplicate. Think long and hard before returning duplicate items such as towels and sheets and even glassware as these items will most certainly come in handy later as items wear out or are broken.
You just don't like it . . .
Unwanted gifts that are not to your taste can also be returned if you know that the giver will not find out the gift they lovingly picked out for you, was returned. If you have no idea where they bought the item, simply put it away somewhere out of sight. Whatever you do, don’t even think of asking them where they bought the “pig butter dish” or asking for the receipt to return. If they come over to visit, be sure and display the item,then go ahead and promptly return the item to the closet once they have left. This way you have made them feel special and you have spared yourself some hard feelings and no one is the wiser that you hate the “pig butter dish.” Be sure and write a thank you note thanking them for the “colorful pig butter dish” and find at least one nice thing to say about the gift.
The cancelled wedding
If you have received gifts and your wedding is canceled, then you must return the gifts within a couple of weeks of the notice of cancellation. This even goes for monogrammed items. All gifts should be returned if the wedding is not to take place. Write the giver a handwritten note thanking them and telling them the wedding was canceled. However, if the wedding is postponed, simply pack the gifts away until your new wedding date. Do not use the items. If several months go by and you decide not to get married after all, then you must return the gifts as mentioned above.
It is important that you keep track of your wedding gifts and who sent them in light of the above situations, just in case something unforeseen happens. No one wants to think of a wedding being canceled or postponed, but unfortunately it happens!
Don't forget the thank you notes
One quick word about writing your thank you cards or notes and yes, you do need to write thank you notes. These can be written by the bride or groom or split between the two of you. The bride should write all thank you notes for her shower gifts, though, since she is the one who received the gift. The task of writing thank you notes is a big one, but nevertheless one that needs to be taken care of promptly. To get a head start write thank you notes for gifts received before the wedding, send those thank you notes out before the wedding. The groom can help with this task which after all, is only fair! Above all, make sure your thank you notes are sincere and gracious. Be sure to mention the item received by name and how you will use the gift and express your heartfelt appreciation. If you received money or a gift card, you should not state the amount but acknowledge that it was a monetary gift and tell the giver how you plan on spending it.
You may have heard that it is perfectly acceptable to send your thank you notes up to a year after your wedding. Not so, say the experts! Gifts received before the wedding should be acknowledged as soon as possible and definitely before the wedding. Gifts received on your wedding day should be acknowledged within three months of your wedding date. Gifts received after the wedding should be acknowledged no more than three weeks after receiving the gift. Remember, your guests took the time to shop and spend their hard earned money on a gift for you and your groom, so the least you can do is to thank them!
Something that many new bride and grooms are doing now is including a wedding photo in with the thank you note. This is a very nice touch as long as your budget allows for it and the pictures are ready within the time period that you are sending out your thank you notes. Don’t use the photo not being ready as an excuse to send your thank you notes out late. You are better to get the thank you notes out timely and forego the wedding photographs if this is the case.
One last thing about thank you notes. Whoever writes the thank you note signs their name alone, as the thank you note really only comes from one person, either you or your husband. Be sure to mention your spouse’s name in the note, such as “Danny (or Alysa) and I would like to thank you for the beautiful crystal bowl” but remember to sign your name alone.
If it appears that some of your wedding guests did not give you a gift send them a thank you note as you don’t know if their gift was lost or stolen. This way you are sending your gratitude for their sharing in your special day. If you do this, you will usually find out if they did send a gift that was lost or stolen. If you don’t thank them specifically for the gift they will usually ask you about it and you will find out that they did, indeed send a gift. Another thing to do is to check with the person in charge of your reception site to make sure no gifts or cards were left behind. Do remember though, that although wedding gifts are customary, they are not required.
